Turning Failure into Success in the
Fourth Dimension
By Dan Coulter
Ever gotten frustrated when you’ve
failed? I have. It’s especially hard when you feel that you’re
somehow failing as a parent – or that your child is failing at
something and you can’t fix the problem.
If you’re trying hard and you’ve made
repeated attempts, it can be especially disheartening.
But even this kind of failure can be
a step toward success.
To illustrate, let’s look at the
movie, “Back to the Future.” Marty McFly, the time-traveling lead
character, is a young musician who won’t send his audition tape to a
record company because he’s afraid of failure. During the film,
Marty is continually admonished by time machine inventor Doc Brown,
“You’re not thinking fourth dimensionally!” By that, he means Marty
isn’t taking the effects of time into account.
What does time and thinking fourth
dimensionally have to do with failure and success?
Failure can feel final in the moment
when you experience it. But it’s really only final for that
moment. The next moment, you can start looking for another way to
succeed.
In the film, Doc Brown has a framed
photo of Thomas Edison over his fireplace. Edison tried thousands of
experiments that failed before finding a good filament for the first
practical electric light blub. The inventor said of these failures,
"They taught something that I didn't know. They taught me what
direction to move in."
So, we just have to get into that
mindset, right? Simple. Okay, not simple. But possible.
Late in the movie, we learn that
Marty has what it takes to be a successful musician when he plays a
knock-em-dead version of Johnny B. Goode on guitar at a high school
dance. This means, like almost all other good musicians, Marty had
learned to practice through his initial failures to play songs
adeptly, gradually becoming better.
Just like off-key notes are part of
learning to play a piano or guitar, failure is part of the process
in raising children. And no matter how experienced you get, no one
gets it perfect.
My kids are 23 and 24 years old.
They’re both doing well. But I still have moments when I wish I
could convince each to do things differently – and fail. But I’m
much less likely to let frustration hamper me than I used to be.
I’ve learned to be more strategic,
and try less direct approaches.
For example, when you encounter a
behavior you want to change, biting your tongue and not commenting
may be the best way to start the change process.
Let’s say you’re at dinner with your
family and your daughter is taking large bites of food and talking
with her mouth full. It’s tempting to correct her then and there.
But if you’ve tried that before and it just caused an emotional
scene, maybe it’s better to let it go for the moment. Then, plan a
session where you sit with her and talk about it. Be inventive.
Who are her favorite movie stars? Maybe you could find a movie that
involves one of them sitting at a dinner table eating with good
manners. Show her that section of the video and practice eating a
meal with just you and her. Describe how you are both going to eat
beforehand, demonstrate doing it right, then let her try. Make it
fun. Don’t expect too great a change in one session. Eat a number
of private, practice meals. Talk about the benefits of eating
politely. Praise progress.
Generating even a small success can
help your child feel, well, successful. And success is a great
building block to more success. Especially if you take on behaviors
you want to change one at a time.
At the end of the movie, Marty
(having traveled to the past, overcome numerous failures, and helped
his father find new ways to succeed) returns to the future to find
things changed for the better. He also finds a new optimism.
The lesson is that success or failure
can be a state of mind. If you’re willing to use patience and keep
trying new approaches, you can always be in the process of turning
failure into success where it counts -- fourth dimensionally.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR – Dan Coulter
is the writer/producer of the DVD “Manners for the Real World –
Basic Social Skills,” and other videos that can be helpful to people
with Asperger Syndrome and autism. You can find more articles on
his website:
www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2008 Dan Coulter Used
By Permission All Rights Reserved
